E-Girl Bath Water $3,000 someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

This week’s issue is going to be GIANT-SIZED because I was on vacation last week. Also, if any of you nerds read newsletters over the Fourth Of July weekend, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Alright, Let’s Talk About The Bath Water Stuff

This Bell Delphine. We’ve talked about her before in Garbage Day (see issue #9). She seems to have really figured out a niche trolling gamers in the last few months. The jury is still out on whether or not she is Good. She has been accused of stealing nudes from sex workers and selling them as her own. She has kicked off another controversy by selling her bath water. I think the rapture did happen in 2012 and actually we’re all in hell now and don’t know it.

Anyways, I don’t really want to focus on Delphine here, because honestly, her whole deal is too complicated for me to investigate in a newsletter I make for fun. What I’d like to focus on is this dude who claims he did, in fact, buy the bath water.

He also claims he both drank it and vaped it.

For what it’s worth, a 4chan user who claims to be molecular biologist said they also bought it and tested it for DNA and is calling the whole thing a scam.

This whole thing is so insanely dumb.

Everyone involved needs to go to therapy. The only silver lining about this entire thing is that it resulted in maybe the greatest newspaper article ever written.

According to UK news site, Metro, “In hentai pornography, women are often shown with their eyes rolling back, tongue hanging out, and blushing or panting. The idea appears to be to show an intense level of arousal, where someone loses their faculties completely.” Amazing.

Second Up, We Have A Great Chart

Not much more to say about this to be honest.

Next, Some Great Comics

Next Next, A Huge Milestone For A Great YouTube Channel

Nice.

If you don’t follow Ska Tune Network on YouTube, you’re missing out. It should come as no surprise that this is extremely my shit. I’m very proud of him for achieving the perfect number of subscribers.

Oh, Here’s A Cool Political Cartoon

Relatable! Also, this comes from a Tumblr called feetpicdealer, so this might be semi-serious. Not sure. Honestly, don’t feel like investigating.

Next Next Next, A Pokémon Thing

Nope!

Oh, Here’s Another Pokemon Thing

Nintendo, this week, announced a new Pokémon called Alcremie. The internet pretty much immediately decided it looks like a bunch of cum and now everyone wants to fuck it. Here are some choice comments:

• “Oh no.”

• “OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD THEY MADE A FUCKING CUMWAD!!!!”

• “Let me know when this gets lewded just so I can prove a point”

• “I am terrified of what people are gonna do to this one”

Oh, and this whole interaction:

Maybe global warming is good? And should kill all of us sooner? A thought.

Oh, Here’s A Cool Pic I’ve Been Texting People All Week

We sure live in a society.

OK, You Guys See The Mouse Family Post?

Lot’s to mull over here. I think she’s overreacting.

Now, A Post That Will Make You Go Hmmm

Hmmm.

Cool, Here’s Actually A Great Tinder Bio

Almost Done, Here’s An Epic Brand #Win

I hope Delta can help Drew out. Love when companies go the extra mile for their customers.

I Swear, We’re Almost Done

My friend Katie put this in a Slack room we’re in together. Blame her.

Before We Go, Can There Be a DILF Elf?

A few months ago, an anonymous user sent a Tumblr user named beetledrink a message that read, “dilves” immediately made me thing “dilf elves”"

“i dont think dilf elves can exist i dont think its possible… but im open to being proved wrong,” beetledrink replied.

Then another user named hylianhighlands made an interesting point: Santa.

beetledrink admitted that there was a lot to unpack there.

So what do you guys think? Is Santa a DILF Elf? Please send me your answer in the form of wildly explicit essays. Thank you.

Lastly, Politicians Are Doing Weird Anime Shit Again

We’ve talked a lot about Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro’s weird relationship with anime (see Issue #2). He did it again, this time posting fan art of him posing with Goku. I don’t really know what to do with this.

Meanwhile, Democratic candidate Marianne Williamson seems to be leaning into the Tumblr meme that she’s actually trying to trigger the Human Instrumentality Project from Neon Genesis Evangelion. She seems to have officially become self-aware.

It’s not totally clear how much she understands what’s happening here, but based on previous instances of politicians embracing anime shitposts, this will either stop being funny immediately, spiral out of control to the point where some kind of authority figure has to step in (if any even exist anymore), or, most likely, both.

P.S. here’s that interesting discussion about Jiminy Cricket.

***All typos in this letter are on purpose actually***