Democrats can't flashmob their way out of this one

A Whole Bunch Of Losers (No, Not Those Losers, The Other Losers)

This week, members of the opposition party filled the Capitol building with smoke grenades and tear gas canisters and hurled eggs at the ruling party, demanding an end to a regime that has held the country hostage for over a decade. Oh, wait, sorry, that was Serbia. In the US, our opposition party protested our current regime last night by wearing pink, holding up signs, and posting 22 identical TikTok videos. That’s fun. I think that’s what a lot of freshman orientations do now to welcome new students. I hope everyone had a nice time.

President Donald Trump’s second first State of the Union, which wasn’t actually a real State of the Union, was the longest not-State of the Union in 25 years. And he spent a considerable chunk of it ranting about trans women playing sports, declaring, “Our country will be woke no longer.” Cars cost $100,000 now and we can’t buy eggs, but, hey, if we aren’t woke, I guess it was all worth it.

As for Trump’s other cronies, Vice President JD Vance got hot-mic’d admitting he was nervous about sitting in a chair for 90 minutes, Other President Elon Musk struggled through a K-hole, but did eventually manage to figure out how to open his water bottle, and US Secretary of State Marco Rubio sat quietly like a good boy in his cuck chair. Apparently, no one wanted to talk to RFK Jr., which is fair. At this point, he’s basically a bunch of preventable childhood diseases in a trench coat being operated by a dead brain worm.

You can pretty much ignore everything Trump said — he’s not even making up new lies anymore. Though, it seems like Barstool Sports’ Dave Portnoy might be finally getting off the Trump train after the address, which is definitely something to watch.

Last night was really about the Democrats. A chance to show the country how they plan to respond to the Trump’s second administration. An opportunity, however small, to prove that they are both taking Trump and Musk’s coup seriously and also that they have a vision of how to reach voters in 2026 and 2028. And apparently, that vision is, uh, Ronald Reagan. Sen. Elissa Slotkin, in the Democratic Response after Trump’s address, told viewers, “As a cold war kid, I am thankful it was Reagan and not Trump in office in the 1980's. Trump would have lost us the Cold War.” I fear that we are dangerously close to a Democrat starting a speech with, “As a 90s kid…”

The best take on the Democrats’ behavior last night was from @KrangTNelson, who wrote on X, “If you think Trump is a fascist, like Hitler was, then you have to accept that [wearing pink] is a ridiculous thing to do. ‘In response to hitler's policies, some members of the German Left Party wore purple hats.’ Do you see how stupid that sounds?”

Though, @jeffsharlet.bsky.social had an equally good take, writing on Bluesky, “No, Democrats, these little auction signs aren't it. You're acting like Wes Anderson characters who don't understand that they're in a Tarantino movie.”

One Democrat did rise to the occasion, however. Rep. Al Green refused to sit down, shaking his cane and screaming at Trump to leave Medicaid alone. Green was forcibly ejected from the room. Rep. Maxwell Frost didn’t do anything nearly as dramatic, but did silently stand with his back towards Trump while wearing a shirt that read, “No kings live here.” When no one noticed, he, I guess, just decided to eject himself 😕

In case you’re wondering what Democratic strategists think about Green getting ejected, Ameshia Cross, a political commentator and literal self-described Democratic strategist, posted on X last night, “Getting removed from the chamber couldn't have been the strategy. What good did that serve?” Very helpful. Thank you. What do YOU think the strategy should have been, Ameisha? More TikToks? Maybe they should have invited the balloon guy from Instagram.

While there may not have been an easy way to focus-group their collective stand against fascism, the Democrats do love metrics. So hopefully someone over at the Democratic National Convention noticed that Sen. Bernie Sanders’ 23-minute response video last night was watched close to half a million times, far more than Slotkin’s ode to Reagan. Though, I know Democrats are very scared of Bernie, so maybe they want to check out how popular Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker’s video response was. I don’t fucking know, man. Just, like, look at anything that’s happening right now and do something.

Planes are literally falling out of the skies. We are in multiple trade wars! And, unfortunately for Democrats, we can’t flashmob our way out of this one. There isn’t some 22-year-old putting together a “Most Defiant Moments At The State Of The Union” listicle this morning. Twenty-two-year-olds don’t have jobs anymore. No one gives a shit about your T-shirt. Last night, Rep. Melanie Stansbury was photographed holding a sign behind Trump that read, “this is not normal.” She even underlined “not,” so everyone at home really got the point. And she’s right. None of this is normal. Our aging dictator is ruling by decree, threatening to annex our closest allies, and spends his days being followed around by redditor Rasputin. It’s not normal. But your tepid booing, and your signs, and your viral videos aren’t going to do a damn thing to change that. A Republican representative tore the sign out of Stansbury’s hands. Next time they won’t just take your sign. And I’d like to think that you’d feel a lot prouder doing some a bit more impactful and important than holding up a sign when they come for you.

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An Actually Good Democratic Strategy

JD Vance Vs. Jeff Computers

—by Adam Bumas

JD Vance, the Vice President of the United States, took time out of his schedule yesterday to respond to a shitposter on X. The shitposter in question was @allahliker, who’s spent years posting jokes about internet stuff and politics. They’ve used too many handles to list (here’s a great time that’s backfired), but they’re currently going by “Jeff Computers”. And if your political mentor usually calls himself “Mencius Moldbug,” maybe you’re more likely to take Jeff Computers on X as a serious voice.

On Monday, Mr. Computers posted a screenshot of this New York Post article, about Vance moving his family after they encountered protestors while on a ski vacation in Vermont, commenting “for all the tough talk these people are wildly, insanely soft.” Vance got mad in a quote-reply yesterday, ending with, “Jeff Computers, a smart and well-adjusted human being.” As of now, the VP’s posts are still up (here’s an archive if that changes), but X seems to be hiding Jeff’s original post after the user changed their display name to “JD Vance Was a DEI Admit to Yale Law,” meaning it was attached underneath Vance’s quote post.

There’s a lot we could delve into here, but also there’s kind of nothing more to say. Vance, the crown prince of the dark enlightenment, was so thoroughly owned by a user named Jeff Computers that he had to call in the mods for help. Pathetic.

My Feed Has Been Taken Over By Rare Vances

X users can’t stop making surreal and horrifying photoshops of Vice President JD Vance’s face. They’re calling them “rare Vances,” a la “rare Pepes” from about 10 years ago. What’s most interesting is that, best as I can tell, and as you can see from the screenshot above, these photoshops are coming equally from both far-right and far-left accounts. All of them dunking on him. I don’t point this out to make some lame point about horseshoe theory, though.

Far-right users and far-left users are, in many ways, equal levels of extremely online. And both groups have quickly agreed on how cringe Vance is. This is especially delicious because I do actually think that Vance considers himself A True Poster. (See the item above.) Which means there is zero chance he hasn’t seen these and also zero chance he isn’t hurt on a profoundly personal level that his undeniable saucelessness is now a bipartisan consensus.

Everyone Stop Being Weird About Anora

—by Adam Bumas

Anora won Best Picture at the Oscars on Sunday. Or, to put it another way, a movie about sex workers and Russian oligarchs won Best Picture. That gives a better sense of why it’s getting people so fired up. 

Any movie that gets the award will immediately get substantial cultural backlash. For Anora, there’s plenty of places to start the argument, ranging from criticism of the production (the movie apparently had some union disputes, and didn’t use an intimacy coordinator) to murkier accusations (a Bluesky user claims writer/director Sean Baker stole elements from her work) to the people who just see “sex worker” or “Russia” and completely unravel. And, of course, there’s a lot more attention being given to that last group than anyone else.

Because this is such a grand tradition, all the flipping out has actually been neatly divided by where it’s being discussed. Traditional news sources like the New York Times and the Guardian have treated the movie like Russian propaganda. Meanwhile, on social media, the focus is on how the movie “glorifies prostitution,” or that Baker supports LibsOfTikTok and the IDF because he follows their X accounts.

At least we can all come together and agree that this is better discourse than whatever would have happened if Emilia Pérez had won.

A Cybertruck Goes To Mardi Gras

Mashable has a good rundown of what happened here. The Cybertruck was rolling through the Krewe of Orpheus parade on Monday night. People started booing and throwing beads at it. According to photos taken later in the night, it required a police escort to safely get out of the parade lol.

An X user that claims to have been driving a Cybertruck in New Orleans wrote on X that he was “SUPER impressed with how well the Cybertruck performed. Even with the B-pillar glass shattered.” Which is curious because I had thought Cybertrucks were supposed to be armed and bulletproof. Though, according to some research, I guess you have pay extra for the bulletproof glass. Good to know the standard Cybertruck windows aren’t even bead-proof.

A Very Satisfying Skillet Peel

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Some Stray Links

• “A Hitler-quoting ‘Aryan’ has the attention of JD Vance and Elon Musk—who is @captivedreamer7?”

• The Nicest Swamp On The Internet

• Digg is back again, again

P.S. here’s a very rare Vance.

***Any typos in this email are on purpose actually***