"Crab Boiled In Pepsi Max for 2 Hours Served In a Baguette. (Sorry for good Quality)"

First, Let’s Talk About The Pepsi Crab

Ever since I saw this image over the weekend, I haven’t been able to shake it. It’s haunts me. It’s from a Reddit post that was submitted to r/ShittyFoodPorn titled “Crab Boiled In Pepsi Max for 2 Hours Served In a Baguette. (Sorry for good Quality)”. It is easily one of the most cursed things I’ve ever had to look at. Its disgusting energy is radiating through my screen. I did some digging and here’s what I’ve learned about the crab:

• It was made for a comedy sketch. Which I think makes me feel better?

• When user KilianExperience was asked why he decided to boil the crab in Pepsi Max he said, “I was tired of the sun. Always blinding me while I’m on the computer. I wanted rain and I thought the best way to do that was to make god cry.” Cool!

• Thankfully I haven’t found any proof it was eaten.

• There’s a video of it.

• I’m alarmed that there are no details available about what it smelled like.

Now, A Discussion About Guy Fieri

New York-based writer Rae Paoletta had a great tweet this week about the Met Gala.

What’s even more amazing is then she wrote the essay. Please go read it. It makes a lot of very good points about how Fieri’s particular brand of Camp replaces typical performative hyper-femininity with a gaudy, yet serious “accessible American barbecue dad” aesthetic. Perhaps, all that glitters is, in fact, gold.

Next Up, A Sonic Update

Click here to enjoy a cool video.

Alright, Time For Gay Porn, Anime, And Bolsonaro

Brazil’s Trump-esque far-right president tweeted this out last week…

…Which I saw at the time and, of course, was extremely upset about. Fun fact: Back in February, Bolsonaro started beefing with the official Sonic The Hedgehog Twitter account because someone on his team used music from Sonic 2006 in a propaganda video of his. The simulation we live in appears to be finally breaking down.

Anyways, with this whole anime thing, what I didn’t know last week is that things actually got a lot more interesting! Here’s what happened:

• First, Bolsonaro tweeted out a congratulations to Japan on their new emperor and era. It’s the Reiwa era now.

• Then he just tweeted “animes?” Which was Bad.

• Then Bolsonaro tweeted a piece of fan art of him looking like a Hokage from the anime Naruto.

• (A Hokage is a Kage of Konohagakure. Duh.)

• Because of the anime tweets and also just because Bolsonaro is notoriously homophobic, in general, the entire episode ended with hundreds of anti-Bolsonistas spamming his Twitter mentions with hardcore gay porn.

• Most of the gay porn sadly seems to have been deleted, but there are still some residual tweets about it.

What an exciting time for Brazil and Japan’s special relationship. 天皇彌榮!

OK, Here’s Another Good Tweet

Real Quick, Check Out This Amazing Thing

My friend Hikaru is a genius and recently came up with an incredible way to make her AirPods look less horrible. She hot-glued some wig hair on them. Her post on how to pull off this cool hack is in Japanese but you definitely don’t need to be able to read it to appreciate its genius.

Incredible.

Finally, A New Rating System For Rotten Tomatoes

I think this might be the best thing I’ve seen this week. A Tumblr user has ranked the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies by “if there are trains in them” and it’s really something. Please head here to gaze at the beauty of a true Perfect Post. Some highlights include:

• The Incredible Hulk receiving a 1/10 for “a verbal reference to the subway.”

• Iron Man 2 receiving “negative 100 points for a cameo by train-hater Elon Musk.”

• Ant-Man getting a 9/10 for a fight scene that involves Thomas the Tank Engine.

• Both Guardians films receiving 0/10 because there are no trains in space.

• Captain Marvel receiving an 11/10 because “THERE ARE TRAINS IN SPACE!!! TRAINS IN SPACE!!! THERE ARE FINALLY TRAINS IN SPACE!!!!”

• The post was tagged “#i hope i didnt miss any trains”

P.S. here’s that good Mountain Goats song.

***All typos in this letter are on purpose actually***